Join the Dick Army!

September 2000

Remember Dick Armey, the US House of Representatives Majority Leader who caused a stir in 1995 by calling openly gay Representative Barney Frank "Barney Fag"? Armey claimed then that he intended no slur, that "fag" was simply the slip of a tongue trying to say "Frank." No one bought his feeble excuse; his comment, however unintentional, was rightly judged as revealing that he thought of all homosexuals, congressmen included, as fags. Given his ultra conservative ideology, it was fair to label Armey's Freudian slip as homophobic– when right-wing zealots call someone a fag, it is not a teasing term of endearment.

Armey has again found himself in hot water after remarks he made at the recently concluded Republican national convention. Gay newspapers across the country have blasted Armey for his "anti-gay slur" and "homophobic comments." The Human Rights Campaign expressed fear that Armey's words would "lead to violence" against gay people and urged the congressman to apologize before his words turned into tragedy.

But this time, a rational consideration of Armey's remarks reveals that he was not necessarily being anti-gay. In fact, it is his critics who must examine their own knee-jerk, hyperbolic reactions for signs of homophobia.

According to press reports, Armey was approached by humorist Dave Barry at a party and asked, "Are you really Dick Armey?" The majority leader replied, "Yes, I am Dick Armey. And if there is a dick army, Barney Frank would want to join up." It was this comment that earned Armey a torrent of gay condemnation.

But why? Armey's joke may have been lame, but it isn't homophobic to suggest a man would be interested in dick. Indeed, the idea of an "army of dick" is the stuff of porn fantasies and masturbatory reverie. While no one except Frank can ultimately speak to the literal accuracy of Armey's claim, most gay men would, in fact, be intrigued by the possibility of joining a dick army.

Armey's critics are essentially saying that to suggest that a man would be interested in dick is an insult. Such un-self-aware sexphobia cripples liberalism. Too many "liberals" only defend a theoretical gay identity– to be protected by laws and social sanctions– but grow nervous around real homosexual desire, interest, and action. Being gay is okay; acting gay remains stigmatized.

Calling someone a fag is an insult because the word exists to connote derision. But suggesting that a guy likes dick is most assuredly not homophobic– except in the minds of those who think it wrong for guys to like dick. Armey's detractors remind us that all too many gay people still harbor belief systems wherein interest in dick is shameful for men.

Armchair psychologists can speculate just what Dick Armey's fascination with Barney Frank's sex life reveals. Humorists can debate whether his attempt to make light of his undoubtedly joke-inviting name was truly funny. But as gay people, we should be clear that it is never homophobic to suggest that a man would be interested in an army of dick– after all, we're trying to get guys to enlist!

Pasted from <http://guidemag.com/magcontent/invokemagcontent.cfm?ID=33D90065-743C-11D4-A7B500A0C9D84F02>