Gay Pride, Gay Morals

June 1998

New York City's 1994 gay pride celebrations marked the twenty-fifth anniversary of the Stonewall riots. Amidst the rainbow hoopla, a large contingent of marchers insisted on keeping the focus on sexual freedom. Their banners didn't boast of corporate sponsors nor tout mainstream affiliations. Instead, they demanded liberation from laws and attitudes that seek to punish those whose sexuality offends uptight sensibilities. Prohibitions against pornography, prostitution, so-called "public sex," and age-of-consent laws were among their targets.

This radical contingent urged confrontation instead of conformity, and they upset many other gay parade-goers. One angry, agitated woman shouted, "We may be gay, but we still have morals!" Her remark underscores that gay experience often leads people down one of two different paths.

Those on the path chosen by the red-faced heckler often say things like, "we gay people are just like straight people, except for one teensy little difference." They view their sexuality as a limiting quirk, a flaw to be compensated for. They think demonstrations of gay civic virtue are a good way to reassure the straight world that we're tolerable. They see people that are "too gay" or too confrontational as a liability, a threat to sought-after approval. They avoid challenging fundamental sexual values; instead, they slavishly promise to follow the rules if they're let into the club. And just like kids anxious to ingratiate themselves to the popular clique, they vocally despise non-conforming queers.

But a different path is also available to those with gay experience. People on this path recognize that everything that everyone ever taught them about homosexuality was a big lie. They have found pleasure and celebration where they were warned only of shame and despair. They have rejected all that they were taught about homosexuality and instead have learned for themselves. By valuing their own experience over worldly dogmas, they become happier and more fulfilled human beings.

And having learned to trust themselves to find what is true and real about their own sexuality, they are freed to question and examine all sorts of rules that society dresses up as God-given morality. Such folks can use their gay experience to realize that the foundation of true morality is built on honesty, love, and compassion– not devotion to arbitrary regulations. They understand that being a truly moral person doesn't have anything to do with who you rub genitals with. Instead, being genuinely moral means being truthful, being kind, and being respectful.

Furthermore, gay people on this other path recognize how dangerous it is to substitute rule-worship for real morality. People who unlovingly condemn others for not following the prescribed rules about which and whose holes are appropriate for sexual attention are themselves terribly misled. Heaven is not a prize awarded to those who break the fewest rules– be they about diet, clothing, or sex. Folks caught up trying to "be good" in such shallow ways risk missing out on the richer rewards awaiting those willing to confront worldly values that are frequently at odds with true morality.

This June let us take to the streets to show all the world that "other path," a different way to embrace gay experience. Let's make gay pride meaningful by proclaiming that gay experience doesn't lead us away from true morality– it can lead us to it.

Pasted from <http://guidemag.com/magcontent/invokemagcontent.cfm?ID=064C63D1-125A-11D4-A7AB00A0C9D84F02>